


Pippa's History : Bye bye, cellist.

by Miss_Von_Cheese



Series: Pippa Coulson, SHIELD agent [4]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers - Ambiguous Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Angst, F/M, Genderswap, Trans Character, Trans Female Character, Transphobia, domestic abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-20
Updated: 2013-05-20
Packaged: 2017-12-12 11:03:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,862
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/810851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miss_Von_Cheese/pseuds/Miss_Von_Cheese
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You can be a bad ass agent with a level 7 security clearance, friend with a demigod, and respected by your colleagues, that doesn't mean you can't make mistakes. Underneath it all your insecurities can still make you vulnerable.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pippa's History : Bye bye, cellist.

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by Clark Gregg's interpretation of the sweet Henrietta in “[The Adventures of Sebastian Cole](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0168449/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1)”.  
> (You can find pictures of our lovely Pippa [here](http://pippacoulson.tumblr.com/tagged/faceclaim).)

**P. Coulson. 8:25.**  
 _-How is he doing?-_

**N. Fury. 8:25.**  
 _-Adjusting to this new world. We have to be very discreet to keep an eye on him.-_

**P. Coulson. 8:26.**  
 _-I bet you do an excellent job & he hasn't seen you following him yet. :p-_

**N. Fury. 8:26.**  
 _-Wanna clean alien shit, agent? See you tomorrow.-_

**P. Coulson. 8:27.**  
 _-Sir, yes sir. If you need my eyes on him...-_

Pippa looked away from her phone, an upset frown on her face, shocked by the acrid smell coming up from the kitchen. She ran to the oven and opened the door to reveal a cloud of thick dark smoke over a dish of burnt lasagna. _Another magisterial failure in the kitchen_ , she thought, coughing and rubbing her aching temples. This was definitely not the right time, _he_ was coming over tonight! She was about to throw everything, dish included, in the trash can when the door opened and Alan walked in, announcing himself in the same old fashioned way he always did.

"Honey I'm home!"

For some reason Pippa knew he was going to be mad at her. She was starting to get used to his temper, but eh, everyone's got their good and bad moments, right? You don't break up with a guy just because he's a bit grouchy sometimes; he was a famous cellist in a prestigious orchestra, he didn't have an easy life either, and at least he understood when she had to leave for work in the middle in the night, unlike most of her exes. That was worth some efforts. She was just done throwing away the ruined lasagna when he came into the room, and in the blink of an eye his expression changed.

"What, again?"

"Hey honey!" she smiled to lighten up the mood. "How are you doing, had a good day?"

Alan shook his head angrily and gestured toward the oven. "Seriously, are you ever gonna learn or what? It's not _that_ complicated, is it? I've never had a girl who cooked so bad!"

Pippa bit her bottom lip, hurt by his harsh words. He knew she was insecure and couldn't stand to be compared to his exes, why did he always have to bring that back? She rubbed a hand on her neck, breathing slowly to keep calm as her heart raced in her chest. "I'm sorry, I tried my best... I had a rough week and I'm exhausted so..." She avoided to tell him she lost track of the time because she was texting her boss about Captain America, it wouldn't make him more patient.

"Yeah? We all have rough weeks here!" Alan snorted as he took a Diet Coke in the fridge. "Think you're the only one? Try playing at the opera for ambassadors and members of the government, you can't even imagine what it's like."

"I work for the government you know, darling..." Pippa sighed softly, straightening invisible wrinkles on her skirt. She didn't like the turn the conversation was taking.

"Uh, I know you do 'top secret stuff' but let's be honest, I see important people more often than you do in your office all day."

Pippa let out another deep sigh; she didn't appreciate to be scolded like a teenage girl but he was like that, sometimes he spoke before thinking, it wouldn't last long. She felt bad enough, his usual mood swings were not what she needed right now: her sixth sense was telling her something big was about to happen, and her injection from two days ago had left her high on E, low on T, in a turmoil of hormones making her especially vulnerable to depressive feelings. The doc said she had to be careful in these moments, but prudence wasn't a part of Agent Coulson's life.

"Hey, I told you I'm sorry, it's okay... I'm a little off these days. I'll take lessons okay? I promise I'll do, when I have time. Now tonight we're going to the restaurant, I'll pay don't worry..."

"You'll pay?" Alan exploded, almost spilling his drink. "You invite me? Come on Pippa when are you gonna start acting like a woman?"

That one crossed the line and Pippa felt her nose tingle as she hid her face behind her hands with a soft sob. Even though she hated to appear so weak in front of someone else she started crying, her shoulders shook in sadness and she turned toward the window to shamefully keep her tears to herself. Why couldn't she be a good girlfriend, as good as the agent she was? There was no way she could love herself if she kept screwing up her personal life like this! Soon two gentle arms were wrapped around her, slightly comforting.

"Come on," Alan whispered, rocking her against his chest. "There, there... you know I'm doing it for you babe. I know how you want to pass as a real woman, I'm just trying to help here."

Pippa wiped her cheeks bitterly, shaken by loud broken sobs. "I... I know you do," she mumbled. "I'm trying to be a good girlfriend, okay? I know I can."

There was something oppressive about the way he talked but she knew she had no choice. Everyone does sacrifices for their partners after all, nobody's really free in a relationship. She couldn't afford to lose another one, she was tired of being single and finding someone was so difficult for a federal agent like her! She didn't want to go back to this life again, dating sites, bars, fetishists and offensive straight guys. Not anymore.

"I know you can," Alan groused. "But then prove it! You'll never pass as a good housewife if you can't at least cook something for your man, is that too much of asking?"

"Well, it wasn't really the kind of things my mom wanted to teach me as a kid, especially after I stole her make-up!" Pippa replied with a sad pout, crossing her arms.

Alan raised an eyebrow, visibly upset. "Uh, don't talk to me like that, okay?"

"Sorry," Pippa sighed. "I know, sorry, that was mean..." He wasn't someone from work, not some kind of suspect or bodyguard she had to take down, she knew she shouldn't be rude. She had to prove him, and herself, that she could be feminine when she wasn't a super agent. She couldn't treat everyone like they were bad guys.

"Yeah, yeah... but see? That's the problem with you!" Alan accused, pointing his finger towards her. "You say people don't accept you but you keep acting like a dude! You can't complain about other's reactions if you don't change your behavior and remain a guy inside..."

She could handle his reproaches but not that. Not like this. "I never was a guy!" Pippa shouted back instinctively, her hands gripping the counter so hard her knuckles turned white and her arms trembled in sad anger.

She saw in his eyes how furious Alan was, yet there were no valuable reason for him to be upset. She was just stating a fact. This time she knew she was right. When he barked at her, Pippa felt her protective shell crackle.

"Do you HAVE to be so fucking annoying and contradict me all the time?"

They say it's possible for love to turn into hate in a single second and Pippa understood it as everything happened so quickly. His hand raised in the air, on its way to her cheek. She caught his wrist at the very beginning of his move and twisted his arm behind his back, immobilizing him without even thinking about it like she would have neutralized any opponent. Basic move, one of the first you learn as a trainee. Alan yelped in pain and it was over, like a magic spell. Her heart turned cold, her feelings -or what she thought were- gone, her eyes opened. She was a level seven agent, a woman respected by her boss and most of her coworkers, she had met Gods and babysat superheroes, she didn't have to go through this. She didn't have to feel unworthy just to sleep next to someone, such an asshole wasn't better than a teddy bear. She wasn't nothing, she didn't have to feel bad for him. He was respected by his posh friends but she helped saving the world every day and even if she hadn't, even if she had been just a cleaning lady she couldn't let anyone, even a lover, put her down; she was disgusted by her passive behavior for the last four months, so unlike her, but even more by his constant scoldings. And this gesture, even if it was the first time, was the last straw.

"Pippa, honey... he-hey I wasn't going to... I didn't mean to hit you," Alan explained in a surprised tone, trying to get away from her strong grip.

"Take your things and leave, now," Pippa ordered calmly, firm but not even angry. She released him slowly, detached from the scene as if she were outside, somewhere else. Like a spectator of her own life.

"Pippa, wow hey, you..." Alan started, wincing; he rubbed his sore wrist, unsure of what to do.

Pippa ignored him as her phone rang. It was Barton. "Coulson," she said as she hung up as if Alan wasn't here. "Yes... Selvig? I see. I'm on my way."

Under her now ex-boyfriend's shocked gaze she leaned in to take the small .33 she kept beneath the counter of the kitchen and slid it in the second holster under her jacket next to the Beretta. Something was off and she felt she would need support from her favorite gears. She grabbed her purse, checked Romanov's position on her tracker. Still in Russia. Clint wasn't sure something could be wrong with the Tesseract but he seemed to have a bad feeling. That made two of them. Just before she rushed through the door, Pippa gave Alan a last look.

"You pack your stuff, leave your keys to Mrs. Yonoi and never come back. I won't repeat it twice." When she closed the door she knew she would never see him again and the scariest thing was that she didn't even feel sad or nostalgic. She should have realized sooner how fucked up they were but eh, everybody makes mistakes. Better be bad at keeping a guy than a cube of energy from another world after all!

A few days later, after making sure -quickly, for she had several other things on her mind- that he was gone for real, Pippa told Pepper when her friend asked that her "cellist" was back to Portland. Pepper seemed genuinely sorry for her. Pippa just shrugged it off with a soft smile, she would tell her all about it later but for now, Barton was compromised, the Earth was at war and she had to get ready to meet Steve Rogers for real. She was single and free, and she couldn't care less because Loki was back. There would be other guys, other girls later; it wasn't as if she was going to die soon, right?


End file.
